PILOTI SU PRECIJENJENI!!!

April 11, 2007 @ 11:23 pm

Prije točno 20 dana poslao sam omanji paketić u glavni grad Makedonije, iz pošte u Jurišićevoj ulici. Nakon što sam predao omanji paketić djelatnici na šalteru pošte u Jurišićevoj ulici, upitao sam je za koliko dana bi omanji paketić mogao stići u glavni grad Makedonije. Ona mi je odgovorila kako bi taj put mogao trajati najviše sedam dana. Super, mislim si ja… U slučaju da malo i zakasne, nije nikakava frka, jer paketić mora biti dolje najkasnije za 22 dana!

Danas, 20 dana nakon predaje malog paketića na šalteru pošte u Jurišićevoj ulici, dobio sam zastrašujuću dojavu iz glavnog grada Makedonije o tome kako mali paketić još uvijek nije stigao tamo [gdjeee vječnooo sunceee sjaaaa-aaaa!!!] Što sad? Dođavola!!! Jedina olakšavajuća okolnost kod malog paketića jest da njegov sadržaj imam u većim količinama kod sebe, tako da nije problem ponovo poslati mali paketić. No, veliki je problem u odgovoru na pitanje “Kako da mali paketić stigne u glavni grad Makedonije za 24 sata?!”

Raspitao sam se kod nekih mudrih ljudi što učiniti u ovoj bezizlaznoj situaciji. Odgovora je bilo raznih, od “pošalji to mailom”, preko “ma boli te kurac”, pa sve do “daj pilotu na aerodromu”. Ovo s pilotom na aerodromu mi se jako svidjelo, pa sam nazvao iskusnog kolegu koji zna sve pilote na svijetu. Rekao mi je kako nema nikakve frke, nazvat će sad frenda pilota koji leti sutra u Makedoniju, ja trebam samo doći do aerodroma i predati mu paket, i sve je rješeno.

Onda sam sjeo i počeo razmišljati… Mislim si - pa ne mogu samo tako doći na aerodrom i dati pilotu omanji paketić - “Ej bok stari! Čuj, doći će dolje na aerodrom taj i taj lik, i uzeti ovaj paketić, evo ti i deset kuna za kavu. Sretan put!” Ne mogu! Ipak, to je pilot! Ne predajem paketić vozaču busa za Garešnicu, već pilotu! Kad mi je napamet pao vozač busa, u mojoj glavi sve se promijenilo!

Zašto sam toliko precijenio pilota aviona i zašto sam toliko podcijenio vozača busa? Zapravo se radi o istom zanimanju - obojica su šoferi! Jedan vozi zrakom, a drugi zemljom. Ako smo već u školi učili kako su sva zanimanja jednako vrijedna, e onda su ova dva, iz iste kategorije, totalno jednako vrijedna, ako čak zanimanje vozača busa nije i vrijednije. Pa teže je biti vozač busa nego vozač aviona. Kod aviona, bitno je samo uzletiti i sletiti, a to može svatko uz par sati avio škole. Sve ovo ostalo u zraku vozi autopilot, što znači da jednom kad poletiš - boli te za sve. Možeš počet pit i otrijeznit se do sletanja, dok kao vozač busa moraš cijelo vrijeme piljiti u cestu i biti totalno koncentriran, što znači da ne možeš pit! Ako već i vozač busa popije nešto, jer ima npr. želučane probleme, može ostati bez dozvole. A pilot? Je li netko čuo kako je pilot ostao bez vozačke dozvole jer ga je u zraku zaustavila prometna avio policija? Nikad.

Onda su mi napamet pale strojovođe. Njima se stalno neke samoubojice bacaju pod vlak i to im je nevjerojatan stres. Čitao sam o tipu kojem se devet likova bacilo pod lokomotivu u samo godinu dana! Ovaj više nije mogao zaspati i veće duže vrijeme ozbiljno se liječi kod nekog slavnog psihijatra. A piloti? Kad se njima itko bacio pod avion? Dobro, u zraku je to dosta nemoguće, ali jeste li čuli da je neki samoubojica preskočio ogradu kod piste kako bi završio pod kotačima aviona? Nikad.

Naposlijetku, čovjek dođe do zaključka da je pilot jedno od najlakših zanimanja! No, uvijek kad se spomene ovo zanimanje ljudi se dive, otprilike kao što se dive astronautima. “Vauuu… tip je pilot! Zakon!” Što je tu zakon? Sutra ću nazvati tog lika pilota i reći mu, da kad ide prema aerodromu, na tu svoju bijednu šofersku šljaku, svrati do moje zgrade kako bi mu kroz prozor bacio mali paketić!

NAJ BOND GIRLS

April 4, 2007 @ 1:44 pm

U svojoj 45-godišnjoj filmskoj karijeri, odnosno u dvadeset i jednom filmu, najskuplji marketinški projekt Britanske imperije imao je spolne odnose s pedeset i šest [56] žena! To je prosjek od 2,666 djevojaka suprotnog spola po jednom filmu. Mislite li kako se radi o slučajnoj brojci, poprilično ste se prevarili! Naime, isti je prosjek golova u engleskom nogometnom prvenstvu!

Nakon višegodišnjeg razmišljanja, konačno sam odlučio sastaviti top listu od 10 naj BOND GIRLS:

1.CAROLE BOUQUET [Melina Havelock] - For Your Eyes Only
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2. CLAUDINE AUGER [Dominique Derval] - Thunderball
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3. TERI HATCHER [Paris Carver] - Tomorrow Never Dies
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4. HONOR BLACKMAN [Pussy Galore] - Goldfinger
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5. MARTINE BESWICKE [Paula Caplan] - Thunderball
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6. IZABELLA SCORUPCO [Natalija Fjodorovna Simonova] - Goldeneye
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7. URSULA ANDRESS [Honey Rider] - Dr. No
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8. MAUD ADAMS [Octopussy] - Octopussy
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9. LOIS CHILES [dr. Holly Goodhead] - Moonraker
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10. BARBARA BACH [Anja Amasova] - The Spy Who Loved Me
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BOG JE KATOLIK: LUX & IVY’s FAVORITES

April 1, 2007 @ 11:38 am

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Podatak da HTV nije prenosio dodijelu zlatnih medalja našim vaterpolistima [a ja ustao u pol devet da pogledam tekmu], nego je umjesto toga prenosio neku misu, neosporan je dokaz da je Bog katolik! Zbog tog razloga, opraštamo HTV-u, te se posvećujemo ozbiljnijim temama od nekog HTV-a i neke mise.
[OK, mogao sam gledati prijenos dodijele zlatnih medalja hrvatskim vaterpolistima na Radio Televiziji Srbije, no onda bi Vanja Sutlić mogao posumnjati kako ja mislim da je Bog pravoslavac, pa bi mi, nakon snažnog pritiska s Kaptola, zacijelo povećao pretplatu.]

Dakle, eto nas konačno na ozbiljnijim temema:
Lux Interior i Poison Ivy, prekrasni dvojac iz rokgrupe The Cramps, postavio je prošle godine na Soulseek šest [6] komada nosača zvuka na kojima se nalaze njihove omiljene pjesme! Radi se o 174 kompozicije, a između ostalih naći ćete i megapoznate izvođače iz pedesetih i šezdesetih, kao što su Mohammed Rafi aka Ted Lyons And His Cubs, Grace Tennessee & The American Spirits, Forbidden Five, The Deadly Ones ili, pak The Lifeguards s nezaboravnom kompozicijom “Everybody Out’ta The Pool”! Tu je i grupa The Five Blobs, čiji su članovi stvorili soundtrack za film The Blob, jedno od najboljih B smeća ever! Radi se o ogromnoj želatini iz svemira koja terorizira nedužne građane, a u glavnoj ulozi je 28-godišnji Steve McQueen.

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Evo kompletnog popisa omiljenih kompozicija Luxa i Ivy:

Volume 1
01. Sheriff And The Revels - Shombolar
02. Sid King And The Five Strings - Let ‘er Rip
03. Ersal Hickey - Bluebirds Over The Mountain
04. Ersal Hickey - Hangin Around
05. Ronnie Dawson - Action Packed
06. Ronnie Self - Date Bait
07. Vern Pullens - Bop Crazy Baby
08. Donald Woods And The Belairs - Death Of An Angel
09. Gene Maltais - Crazy Baby
10. Billy Ward And His Dominoes - The Bells
11. Bob McFadden - The Mummy
12. Forbidden Five - RFD Rangoon
13. Forbidden Five - Enchanted Farm
14. Medallions - Behind The Door
15. Nervous Norvous - Transfusion
16. Clovers - Crawlin
17. Penguins - Earth Angel
18. Blenders - Don’t Fuck Around With Love
19. Sparkle Moore - Skull And Crossbones
20. Versatones - Bila
21. Versatones - Tight Skirt Tight Sweater
22. Tornados - Telstar
23. Treniers - Poon Tang
24. Clovers - Rotten Cocksuckers Ball
25. Collins Kids - Whistle Bait
26. The Chips - Rubber Biscuits
27. Jan And Arnie - Jennie Lee

Volume 2
01. 13th Floor Elevators - You’re Gonna Miss Me
02. Ric Cartey - Young Love
03. Slim Harpo - Strange Love
04. The Champs - Train To Nowhere
05. Cozy Cole - Topsy, Part One And Two
06. Zacherle - Dinner With Dracula
07. Randey Alvey - Green Fuzz
08. Jackie Morningstar - Rockin In The Graveyard
09. John Buck And His Blazers - Forbidden City
10. Marvin Rainwater - Hot And Cold
11. Blues Rockers - Calling All Cows
12. Five Blobs - The Blob
13. Ric Cartey - Oo Eee
14. June Wilkinson And Mamie Van Doren - Bikini With No Top On Top
15. Wayne Williams - Red Hot Mama
16. Boss-Tones - Mope-itty Mope
17. Keith Courvale - Trapped Love
18. Storey Sisters - Bad Motorcycle
19. Lightnin’ Slim - It’s Mighty Crazy
20. McFadden And Dor - Noisy Village
21. Crescents - Pink Dominoes
22. Marketettes - Out Of Limits
23. Chimes - Zindy Lou
24. Crystals - The Screw
25. Invectas - The Hump
26. Earl Hagen And The New Interns - New Interns Watusi
27. Billy Ward And The Dominoes - Jennie Lee

Volume 3
01. Pretty Things - Come See Me
02. The Leather Boy - On the Go
03. Roy Brown - Butcher Pete Part 1
04. Roy Brown - Butcher Pete Part 2
05. The Carnations - Scorpion
06. The Imps - Uh-Oh
07. Doctor Ross - The Boogie Disease
08. Howlin’ Wolf - Smokestack Lightnin’
09. Polka Dot Slim - A Thing You Gotta Face
10. The Ventures - The Rat
11. Mohammed Rafi aka Ted Lyons And His Cubs - Jaan Pehechaan Ho
12. Bo Diddley - Congo
13. Anton LaVey - Satan Takes a Holiday (instrumental)
14. The Symbols - Do the Zombie
15. The Scarlets - Stampede
16. Danny Dell & The Trends - Froggy
17. Johnny Kidd & The Pirates - Shakin’ All Over
18. Kinks - You Really Got Me
19. The Strangers - Caterpillar Crawl
20. Porter Waggoner - Rubber Room
21. Robert Mitchum - Ballad of Thunder Road
22. Duane Eddy - Ramrod
23. Dick Penner - Cindy Lou
24. Ideals - Go Go Gorilla
25. Jack Nitzsche - The Lonely Surfer
26. Johnny Burnette Trio - Honey Hush
27. Mickey & Sylvia - No Good Lover
28. Duane Eddy - Stalkin’
29. Bo Diddley - I’m A Man
30. Johnny Fortune - Dragster
31. The Gee Cees - Buzzsaw Twist

Volume 4
01. Gene Summers - Taboo
02. Roland Janes - Guitarville
03. The Citations - Moon Race
04. Electro-Tones - Ghost Train
05. Hank Davis - Woman Train
06. Jack Nitzsche - Rumble (1963)
07. Stingrays - Surfers Mood
08. Charlie Feathers - In the Pines
09. Ric Cartey - My Babe
10. Reverend Charles Jackson - Wrapped Up and Tangled Up In Jesus
11. Les Baxter - Lust
12. Satan’s Sadists OST - The Chase Is On
13. Jan Davis - The Time Funnel
14. Atlantics - War Of The Worlds
15. Clyde Stacey - Hoy Hoy
16. Electric Prunes - Dr. Do Good
17. The Five Jones Boys - Mr. Ghost Goes To Town
18. Jackie & The Starlighters - Valerie
19. Musical Linn Twins - Rockin’ Out the Blues
20. Hugh Barrett & The Victors - Fungus Among us
21. Cannibal & the Headhunters - Zulu King
21. Charlie Feathers - She Set Me Free
22. Portuguese Joe - Teenage Riot
23. Gene Maltais - Gang War
24. The Musical Linn Twins - Indian Rock
25. Jimmy Rogers - Mule Skinner Blues
26. Ron Thompson - Switchblade
27. Legendary Stardust Cowboy - Paralyzed
28. Vernon Green & The Phantoms - Sweet Breeze
29. Davie Allan & the Arrows - Theme from the Unknown
30. Iggy Pop and the Stooges - 1970

Volume 5
01. Swamp Rats - Louie Louie
02. The Trashmen - Bird ‘65
03. Link Wray & The Raymen - The Fuzz
04. Peanuts Wilson - Cast Iron Arm
05. Bo Diddley - The Story Of Bo Diddley
06. Homer Denison, Jr. - Chickie Run
07. Curley Griffin - Got Rockin’ On My Mind
08. The Isley Brothers - Nobody But Me
09. Ron Haydock & The Boppers - 99 Chicks
10. Bill Carter - Baby Brother
11. Andre Williams - Andre Williams Is Moving
12. The Quotations - Imagination
13. Carl Perkins - Let The Jukebox Keep Playing
14. The Sparkles - Oh Girls, Girls
15. Julie London - Yummy, Yummy, Yummy
16. The Lifeguards - Everybody Out’ta The Pool
17. Ken Nordine - Strollin’ Spooks
18. Ken Nordine - Fliberty Jib
19. Ramones - Beat On The Brat
20. Betty McQuaid - Toungue Tied
21. Ronnie Ray’s Playboys - The Vulture
22. The Revels - Midnight Stroll
23. Ray Anthony - Dragnet
24. Link Wray - Genocide
25. Don Charles Presents The Singing Dogs - Oh! Susanna
26. Deadly Ones - Monster Surfing Time
27. Edwin Bruce - Sweet Woman
28. Ted Weems & Elmo Tanner - Heartaches
29. Vito & The Salutations - Unchained melodies
30. Jack Eely and the Courtmen - Louie Louie ‘66

Volume 6
01. Earl Wade - I Dig Rock’n'Roll
02. Ran-Dells - Martian Hop
03. The Saxons - Camel Walk
04. The Nitecats - Jungle
05. Charlie Gracie - Guitar Boogie
06. The Flamingos - I Only Have Eyes For You
07. Kenny Owen - I Got The Bug
08. The Phantom - Whisper Your Love
09. Moses Longpiece - Slide Her Under the Door
10. Ray Harris - Come on Little Mama
11. The Cables - Choo choo
12. The Charades - Flamingo
13. Ronnie Isle - Wicked
14. Andre Williams With The Gino Parks Quartet - Pass The Biscuits Please
15. Gene Lamarr - That Crazy Little House On The Hill
16. The Innocents - I’m A Hog For You
17. Thee Midniters - Jump Jive And Harmonize
18. Bob Taylor & The Counts - Thunder
19. Mad Magazine - (She Got A) Nose Job
20. The Five Sharps - Stormy Weather
21. Booker T & the MG’s - Green Onions
22. Jack Nitzsche - The Last Race
23. Elvis Presley - Milkcow Blues Boogie
24. The Fleetwoods - Unchained Melody
25. Mad Magazine - When My Pimples Turned To Dimples
26. Grace Tennessee & The American Spirits - Pow Wow
27. Phil & the Frantics - Say That You Will
28. Pasquale & The Lunar-Tiks - Moon Madness
29. Arthur Lyman - Taboo

Za informaciju o ovom podatku moram se zahvaliti Denisu Romcu, zacijelo najvećem živućem hrvatskom novinaru. Ti njegovi tekstovi oštri su poput britve, jezgroviti poput jezgre, bistri poput najbistrije ličke izvorske vode i inteligentni kao da ih je pisalo neko nepoznato biće iz svemira, koje je milijunima svjetlosnih godina naprednije od nas, ljudskih bića.
Hvala ti!
U svojoj oporuci već sam ti ostavio sve svoje glazbene dvd-e, od slova A do slova E! Tako ćeš dobiti i dvd “Live At the Napa Mental Hospital” rokgrupe THE CRAMPS - živa svirka iz 1978. godine u jednoj kalifornijskoj ludnici. Dakle, bend svira, a oko njih gomila luđaka. Vrlo ineresantno. Evo dolje ulomka s tog koncerta s poznatim hitom ЧОВЕК МУВА HJUMEN FLAJ…

LIVERPOOL-ARSENAL 4:1

March 31, 2007 @ 5:05 pm

‘4 [1-0] Crouch
‘35 [2-0] Crouch
‘65 [3-0] Agger
‘73 [3-1] Gallas
‘81 [4-1] Crouch
Dakle, Crouch je zabio tri gola što znači da je postigao hat trick!!!

NOVI WEMBLEY

March 25, 2007 @ 2:21 pm

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Trebalo je šest i pol godina da se izgradi!
Koštao je 798 milijuna britanskih novčanica.
Prima 90000 stanovnika.
Vidim se tamo 21. studenog, na teškom gostovanju, na zadnjoj utakmici kvalifikacija za EP! Deset dana prije toga ističe moja uvjetna kazna zbog prošlogodišnjeg sukoba s engleskim radnicima iz Leedsa, grada čelika i Kaiser Chiefsa.

Beaten, arrested and sentenced due to a Scotland cap

A Croatian film director claims he was beaten up by English thugs - because he was wearing a Scotland cap.

Pedja Licina (34), from the capital Zagreb, bought the Saltire-emblazoned headgear on a trip to London last month. He wore it in on a night out with friends the day before Croatia’s recent Euro Championship clash with England.

But what started out as a fun evening turned into a nightmare for Pedja when two drunken hooligans set him upon.

“I was in the city centre with friends when we got talking to two English guys from London,” he recalls.
“We were enjoying each others company but then things started to go wrong when I got up to go to the toilet.
“Two other English guys approached me and took exception to my Scotland cap.
“One of the men pushed me and swore at me before smashing me in the face. I couldn’t believe what was happening.”

Pedja, a well-known scriptwriter, has had a soft spot for Scotland since the national team visited Zagreb in October 2000.
“I’m aware of the rivalry between Scotland and England but I didn’t think the hat would antagonise anyone,” he admits.
“I’m not sure why the guys got angry with me. Maybe they were looking for a fight or maybe it was just down to drink.”

As a result of the skirmish the men fell to the ground outside the pub. The Croatian riot police then arrested all three.
“At first we were taken to separate police stations. Then, four hours later, I was driven to the station the English guys were in.
“We sat together for five hours and then I started translating for them because the police didn’t speak any English.
“At 9 am the man who punched me offered me his hand and said ‘no hard feelings’. He admitted me he’d hit me because of my cap.
“An hour later he was released without charge but I was kept in the cell and charged.”

Pedja was taken to court later in the day and given a 15-day prison sentence which was suspended for one year.
“I was pretty angry,” he admits. “The judge placed me on a register of football hooligans.
“I have never been in a fight in my life never mind had a criminal record. But I’ve no regrets about wearing the cap.
“I don’t hate the guy for what he did and I have no problem with English people in general. He was just drunk and stupid.”

Kenny MacAskill, the SNP’s shadow Justice minister and self-confessed Tartan Army footsoldier, hopes the attack was more by accident than design.
“In the main England fans rose to the occasion at the World Cup and there’s been a big change in attitude towards them.
“But, regrettably, it seems Zagreb has taken them back to the bad old days of the Neanderthal skinhead element.
“The guys involved in this incident were doubtless looking for trouble and I wouldn’t look too far into the Scottish connection.
“Anything could have triggered it, be it a Saltire hat or a Dynamo Zagreb shirt.
“But this shows there’s a long way to go with the hard-core category that has latched on to the English national team.”

The Foreign Office praised the English fan’s behaviour in Croatia.
A spokesman said, “There were around 32 UK citizens detained, mainly for disturbing peace and order. Of those only a handful were charged.
“But in general terms, the English fans were excellent and my colleagues in Zagreb were happy with how the operation went.”

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P.S. Škoti su izmislili nogomet!

PLAN ZA VEČERAS

March 18, 2007 @ 10:21 pm

Odlučio sam krenuti s filmskim maratonom, odnosno s gledanjem TOP TEN filmova koji traju duže od tri sata, sljedećim redoslijedom:

1. DAS BOOT, 216 min. [Wolfgang Petersen, SR Njemačka, 1981.]
2. BARRY LYNDON, 184 min. [Stanley Kubrick, Velika Britanija, 1975.]
3. THE RIGHT STUFF, 193 min. [Philip Kauffman, SAD, 1983.]
4. ANDREJ RUBLJOV, 186 min.  [Andrei Tarkovski, Sovjetski Savez, 1969.]
5. APOKALIPSA DANAS, 202 min. [Francis Ford Coppola, SAD, 1979.]
6. THE DEERHUNTER, 182 min. [Michael Cimino, SAD, 1978.]
7. SEDAM SAMURAJA, 206 min. [Akira Kurosawa, Japan, 1954.]
8. KUM II, 200 min. [Francis Ford Coppola, SAD, 1974.]
9. BILO JEDNOM U AMERICI, 229 min. [Sergio Leone, Italija/SAD, 1984.]
10. ZELENA MILJA, 188 min. [Frank Darabont, SAD, 1999.]

Počinjem točno u ponoć! Između svakog filma imat ću 15 minuta pauze, tako da će maraton trajati cca. 35 sati. Dakle, gotov sam u utorak oko 13.00.

THE BEATLES TOP ELEVEN

March 11, 2007 @ 1:22 pm

Zacijelo ste se, nakon veličanstvenog prolaska Liverpoola u četvrt finale Lige prvaka, sjetili i druge najpoznatije znamenitosti iz ovog pitoreksnog ili pitoresknog lučkog gradića na sjeverozapadu Engleske. Radi se, dakako, o Beatlesima!

Nedvojbeno, postavlja se pitanje za koga su navijali članovi ove grupe?

Odgovori su zastrašujući!

1. JOHN LENNON: Zanimao ga je nogomet kao mene vrtlarstvo!
2. GEORGE HARRISON: Vidi opis pod rednim brojem 1! Dakle, navijao je ni za koga ili za nikoga!
3. PAUL McCARTNEY: Navijao je za Everton, poput njegovog oca!
4. RINGO STARR: Jedini pravi football fan! Često je ko klinac viđen i na Anfieldu i na Goodisonu, ali samo kad je igrao Arsenal! Zašto? Pa zato što bubnjar navija za Arsenal!!! Normalno: DRUMMERS=GUNNERS!

No, sve ovo nije razlog da ne navedem definitivnih top eleven ove rokgrupe:

01. Get Back
02. Something
03. Here Comes the Sun
04. You Never Give Me Your Money
05. I Am the Walrus
06. Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite!
07. Back in the U.S.S.R.
08. Birthday
09. Helter Skelter
10. Revolution 1
11. Lady Madonna

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LIVERPOOL-MANCHESTER UNITED 0:1

March 3, 2007 @ 7:20 pm

LFC-MAN UTD 0:1
‘90 O’Shea

Kako se radi o jednoj od najnepravednijih pobjeda u ovogodišnjoj sezoni, tako sam poprilično nezadovoljan, jako nesretan, dosta bijesan, malo agresivan, pomalo zao i vrlo loš. Kako bih sputao sve ove negativne emocije, predstavljam dio svojih stvari vezanih uz omiljeni klub!
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KRAJ IZLOŽBE…

NH3

February 28, 2007 @ 12:16 pm

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AMONIJAK nije uzrok trovanja ni kod Zdravka Martinovića koji je već četiri dana u komi, ni kod njegove kuje Šeri koja je uginula u petak navečer kod potoka na Dubovcu, izvjestio je u Karlovcu ravnatelj Hrvatskog zavoda za toksikologiju doktor Franjo Plavšić. Moguće je da je razlog trovanja neka plinovita tvar koja vrlo brzo nestaje, kazao je Plavšić.

Prenosimo eksluzivni intervju novinara ZDENKA Ježića iz “KARLOVAC TIMESA” s toksigologom Franjom PLAVŠIĆEM, koji se odvijao rano jutros u gostionici “Strpljen-Spašen” u Dugoj Resi.

ZDENKO: Kakva je to plinovita tvar koja vrlo brzo nestaje?
PLAVŠIĆ: Izgleda da nije odavde.
ZDENKO: Kak mislite nije odavde?
PLAVŠIĆ: Pa možda će vam čudno zvučati, ali sumnjamo da ta plinovita tvar koja vrlo brzo nestaje nije s ovih prostora.
ZDENKO: Mislite da možda Srbi… Povratnici…
PLAVŠIĆ: Ma ne to! Jeste vi normalni? Kakvo je to pitanje u kojima se vrijeđa i lažno optužuju pripadnici druge nacionalnost i vjeroispovijesti?
ZDENKO: Ja se ispričavam g. Plavšić. Znate, rat…
PLAVŠIĆ: Ok. Ok.
ZDENKO: Dobro, pojasnite mi odakle je došla ta plinovita tvar koja vrlo brzo nestaje?
PLAVŠIĆ: Došla je iz svemira!
ZDENKO: Opa! Kako to mislite?
PLAVŠIĆ: Pa čuli ste za Rosewell u Novom Meksiku 1947. godine, kada su vanzemaljci oteli nevine ljude i s njima radili  eksperimente.  I tamo se u izvješćima spominje neka plinovita tvar koja vrlo brzo nestaje. Naš je zaključak kako su se vanzemaljci ponovo spustili, ovog puta u Karlovac. Oteli su nesretnog Martinovića i psa, te na njima vršili opasne eksperimente. Nije taj eksperiment mnogo trajao, možda pola sata. Kad su vanzemaljci završili s eksperimentiranjem, vratili su Martinovića i psa u Karlovac.
ZDENKO: A kako nitko od Karlovčana nije primjetio svermirski brod?
PLAVŠIĆ: Pa radi se o vrlo malom svemirskom brodu, ne većem od kutije šibica.
ZDENKO: A kako su vanzemaljci ugurali unutra Martinovića i psa?
PLAVŠIĆ: Jao, molim vas, kakva su to pitanja? Pa znate valjda kakvi su vanzemaljci… Imaju milijun godina napredniju tehnologiju od nas. Njima je najmanji problem bio da specijalnim laserom smanje Martinovića i psa i uguraju ih u prostor koji nije veći od kutije šibica.
ZDENKO: Da… Stvarno! I što sad?
PLAVŠIĆ: A ništa… Nismo u mogućnosti tužiti vanzemaljce. Mislim, ne mogu ih ni Amerikanci naći, a kako bi mi? Dodatna otežavajuća okolnost jest što su toliko maleni. A svi znamo koliki je svemir…
ZDENKO: Da, da… Jasno… A recite mi, sad kad je sasvim očito kako Karlovačka pivovara nije kriva, što će ova tvrtka poduzeti kako bi sprala ljagu sa svojeg imena?
PLAVŠIĆ: Ah, to morate pitati njih… No, načuo sam kako će ovih par tona amonijaka kojeg imaju prodati i sav prihod dati u dobrotvorne svrhe, za kampanju “Neodlučan sam ili možda nisam”, a radi se o izgradnji škole za tečajeve samopouzdanja. Osim toga, podnijet će i tužbu protiv svih koji su ih optuživali. S pravom! Mislim, kakva smo mi to zemlja? Sami tračevi, podmetanja i neistine. To je taj hrvatski jal, o kojem je i Krleža pisao.
KONOBAR: Gospodo, što ćete popiti?
ZDENKO: Kavu s mlijekom.
PLAVŠIĆ: Karlovačko!

PRVI HRVATSKI AKCIJSKI SPEKTAKL-NAJNOVIJE INFORMACIJE

February 12, 2007 @ 12:49 pm

Nove informacije, vezane uz prvi pravi hrvatski akcijski spektakl, stižu nam iz Jadran filma!

Naime, izgleda kako se financijska konstrukcija nikako ne može zatvoriti, pa je u pomoć priskočio i T-com s dodatnih tri milijarde eura. Presretni producenti, u znak zahvalnosti, naredili su scenaristima da smisle i novog junaka koji se zove Ivica Mudrinić, pa oni sada rade na tome.

Također, poprilično nezadovoljan producentski tim postavio je scenarističkom timu četiri gadna, ali i opravdana pitanja:
1. Gdje je ljubavna priča?
2. Zašto su junaci samo iz vladajuće stranke, a nema nikoga iz opozicije? To nije politički korektno!
3. Gdje je novinar? U ovakvim filmovima uvijek postoji novinar!
4. Gdje je poznata ličnost? Hoćemo poznatu ličnost na svjetskom planu. Npr. neku glumicu.

Scenaristički tim se brzo snalazi i uskoro šalju odgovore:
1. Evo, možemo ubaciti u priču Zorana Milanovića i Milanku Opačić. Oni se u filmu zaljube i ožene, tako da Milanka ubrzo postane Milanka Milanović, pa je svi zovu eM eM, što je jasna asocijacija na M iz Jamesa Bonda [tajne službe, prisluškivanje, MI6…]. Da je barem Judi Dench mlađa, ona bi je glumila… Ovako, tražimo alternativu!
2. Opozicija? Pročitajte odgovor na prvo pitanje! Jednim udarcem ubili smo dvije muhe!
3. Imate pravo! Bit će novinarka u avionu!
4. Imate pravo i za poznatu ličnost. Razmišljamo o Jessici Lange koja se kao vraća s odmora iz Dubrovnika, pa se zatekne u avionu.

CASTING:

john-travolta.jpg116-ht-02.jpg
John Travolta as Ivica Mudrinić
ray.jpgnov5b.jpg
Ray Liotta as Zoran Milanović
charlize-theron1.jpg8889a.jpg
Charlize Theron as Milanka Opačić
images.jpeghhloverka.jpg
Glenn Close as Hloverka Novak-Srzić
30897.JPGjessica_lange.jpg
Ljerka Mintas-Hodak as Jessica Lange

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