RAD [Nedjeljom]

February 7, 2008 @ 2:33 am

U vrijeme kad sam pohađao osnovnu školu [sredina 80-ih], išao sam u isti razred sa čovjekom čije je ime bilo Franjo Vukorepa. Nitko iz mog razreda nije se družio s njim, ali ne zato što smo ga mrzili zbog takvog imena i prezimena, već zato što se on nije htio družiti s nama. Bio je različit od nas i nikada nam nije dopuštao da se netko od nas upozna ili zbliži s njim. Uvijek je bio rezerviran prema nama, kao da je imao nekakav tajni plan koji bi mu mi, klinci, mogli pokvariti.

Dok smo mi slušali Motorhead, Ramonese i AC/DC, on je slušao Himza Polovinu, Dževada Preljevića-Mrvicu i Boru Spužića-Kvaku. Mi smo svi navijali za Dinamo, a on je navijao za Zvezdu [Da se razumijemo, ovdje ne vrijeđam ljude koji slušaju različitu glazbu od mene ili navijaju za različit klub – sve ovo pišem da čitatelju, to jest tebi, neke stvari budu jasnije, kasnije].

Nikome nam nije bilo jasno kako i zašto je toliko različit od nas. Taj Franjo Vukorepa… Čak smo, u osmom razredu, a to je bilo 1986. godine, znali tko je tko po nacionalnom i vjerskom ključu - otkuda su čiji roditelji, kako se majke prezivaju djevojački, tko ide u crkvu, a tko ne. Bilo nas je dvoje, troje učenika srpskog porijekla, ali svi smo navijali za Dinamo. Čak je bio i jedan Makedonac čiji je otac, vojno lice, navijao za Vardar, no sin je navijao za Dinamo, jer bio je rođen u Zagrebu, kao i svi mi. Jedino nas je bunio taj Franjo Vukorepa koji je navijao za Zvezdu i slušao narodnjake, a znali smo da nije rođen niti u Valjevu, niti u Doboju, niti u Gospiću, niti u Lištici, već u Zagrebu, kao i svi mi.

To, gore opisano zaboravio sam tijekom zadnjih dvadesetak godina, sve do dana dok Franju Vukorepu nisam sreo na ulici. To se dogodilo prije dva dana i upravo zbog toga pišem ovaj tekst. Prepoznali smo se međusobno na Novoj vesi i sjeli na kavu. [Ja sam pio pivo.] Isprva me začudio način na koji je Franjo Vukorepa bio odjeven, pa sam prvo pomislio da se maskirao jer je fašnik i totalni maskenbal, no nije bilo tako! Način na koji je on bio odjeven bio je istinit. Naime, Franjo Vukorepa je svećenik i on se zove velečasni Franjo Vukorepa. Sve što se događalo dalje, prenosim u formi intervjua:

JA: Franjo, čovječe… Nismo se vidjeli prek 20 godina…
FV: Da, dvadeset godina… Dosta je prošlo. Zar ne?
JA: Uistinu je prošlo toliko? Da! Nego, Franjo, jebote Bo… Sori! Jel još slušaš narodnjake i navijaš za Zvezdu?
FV: Otkuda ti uopće takve informacije?
JA: Jebote, Franjo, pa išli smo u isti razred. Sjećam se da si slušao narodnjake i navijao za Zvezdu.
FV: Aaaa to? Ma, daj! To su gluposti!
JA: Kak misliš gluposti?
FV: Tako! Glupost! Ti isto vjeruješ svemu!
JA: Dobro, Franjo te spike možeš prodavat nekom drugom, al ja te znam!
FV: Pogledaj me dobro! Jel me gledaš?
JA: Da.
FV: I što vidiš?
JA: Svećenika katoličke crkve.
FV: Jel ti sad jasno?
JA: Pa ti si cijelo vrijeme…
FV: Da!
JA: Cijelo si vrijeme zapravo….
FV: Da!
JA: Ti si genije! Još onda si znao i tako si se uvukao među njih…
FV: Da!
JA: Aaaaaa.. Sad je meni jasno! Genijalno!
FV: Vidiš? A? Mislili ste svi da sam neki kreten? Dok ste se vi opuštali, ja sam radio! Zato sada imamo ovo što imamo!
JA: Da… Dobro, jel sad slušaš normalnu mjuzu i navijaš za normalni klub? Npr. Bad Religion i Millwall?
FV: A?
JA: Ma ništa. Nego, baš dobro da sam te sreo… Inače sam novinar…
FV: Oooo, samo to ne! Vjerojatno ćeš me pitati za rad nedjeljom! Za moje mišljenje?
JA: Nažalost, da…
FV: Hm….
JA: Pliz, frendovi smo… Mislim, barem smo bili u osnovnjaku…
FV: Hm… Ajde, može.
JA: Ok. Ali ova pitanja će biti ozbiljna.
FV: Naravno…
JA: U našoj se zemlji, u nekoliko zadnjih godina, stalno vodi rasprava o zabrani rada nedjeljom. Što ti misliš o tome?
FV: Ne shvaćam pitanje. Zapravo, tu je više pitanja. Da li me pitaš o našoj zemlji, o zadnjih nekoliko godina ili o zabrani rada nedjeljom?
JA: Jebote, kako ste komplicirani, vi svećenici! Znaš dobro što sam te pitao!
FV: Ne bi baš rekao.
JA: O zabrani rada nedjeljom sam te pitao!
FV: Da, što s tim?
JA: Da li se slažeš s tim?
FV: Ne.
JA: Ne? Stvarno? Ne slažeš se sa zabranom rada nedjeljom?
FV: Tko je to rekao?
JA: Pa ti!
FV: Ja?
JA: Da, ti!!! Što se praviš glup!?
FV: Ma, dobro, zezam se malo s tobom! Ajmo sad ozbiljno!
JA: Eksplodirat će mi glava od tebe i tvojih odgovora.
FV: Čuj, crkva! Znaš kako je - pitanje, odgovor, ovo, ono… Čemu vodi ovaj put mene i život moj? Čiji je početk i čiji je kraj i koji to čovjek vječnu tajnu zna?
JA: Pa crkva, valjda!
FV: Da! Al moraš biti član! He, he [zli smijeh]
JA: OK. Jel možemo sad nešto ozbiljno?
FV: Da! He, he [zli smijeh]
JA: Ne, sad stvarno?
FV: Ma da! Sad stvarno! Aj neko pitanje!
JA: Zabrana rada nedjeljom?
FV: Reći ću ti iskreno i od sada počinje naš ozbiljan razgovor! Ovo je poruka od Boga koji nam je rekao sljedeću rečenicu… Jel snimaš?
JA: Da. Na iPod, Mac, zapravo na iPhone…
FV: To je tvoj Bog? Ha?
JA: Praktički da… iBog! Mislim, iGod!
FV: Neozbiljan si…
JA: Pa svatko ima svoje zadovoljstvo. Nego, dobro, tako je kako je… Ajd nastavi.
FV: OK. Sada ću ti prenijeti Božje riječi upućene nama, svima ovdje u Hrvatskoj, svim Hrvatima i manjinama, uključujući i mađarsku i srpsku i talijansku… Rekao je ovo…. Dakle, Božje riječi bile su sljedeće i ti ih prenesi od početka do kraja…
JA: Hoću. Samo daj ih više!
FV: Evo Božjih riječi:
“Ooooooooooo!!!! Kakva je ovo smiješna katolička zemlja u obliku potkove? Aaaaa…. Da li je uopće to katolička zemlja? Vidim blizu ima puno islama i pravoslavlja, s desne strane od te zemlje u obliku potkove. Izgleda da jest! Ipak je to katolička zemlja. Da, da… Vidim, zaostali su jako… Kad smo već popušili Poljsku i Irsku, daj njima nešto iz srednjeg vijeka da se uplaše kako bi me više štovali! Što ja znam, zabrani im rad subotom…”

JA: I to je to?
FV: Da, to su njegove riječi.
JA: Ti me jebeš u zdrav mozak?
FV: Ma, ne! To mi je stvarno rekao!
JA: Čekaj malo, ali ova subota? Mislim, mi cijelo vrijeme pričamo o nedjelji, a sad je odjednom subota?
FV: Da?
JA: Kak sad subota?
FV: Pa zeznuo se… Mali previd… Mislio je možda na Šabat! Sad i ti sitničariš… Subota, nedjelja, svejedno je… Mislim, Židovi, kršćani, tak svejedno…
JA: Misliš?
FV: Da.
JA: Dobro, a daj sad ti reci svoje mišljenje o zabrani rada nedjeljom.
FV: OK. U slučaju da se zabrani rad nedjeljom, predlažem da se istog dana zatvore i crkve! Ako je Bog rekao da je nedjelja dan odmora, tada ni njegovi dućani ne smiju raditi! Dobro, ne bih se sada želio zamjeriti gazdama, zapravo mislio sam da bi njegovi dućani mogli biti otvoreni nedjeljom, samo od 8-13! Jedini, od svih! Tako bi se istakli i ne bi im trebala reklama. Taj dućan zvali bi Božji šoping centar, što svakako, ima veću težinu od običnog šoping centra.
JA: Ti stvarno to misliš?
FV: Naravno! A imam plan za dalje! Sve šoping centre u gradu kupuje crkva! I onda ti šoping centri idu u naše, crkveno vlasništvo! Svaki šoping centar postaje crkva, pa je opravdana ona kapitalistička uzrečica upućena potrošačima: “Šoping centri vaše su nove crkve!” Nismo ništa izgubili, a puno smo toga dobili! Zar ne?
JA: Mislim… U pravi si… Dakle, ti misliš kad čovjek dođe ujutro u nedjelju, npr. kao ja, na misu – tamo ima i šoping centar. Kad posluša svećenika i te stvari, ode, unutar crkve, u šoping? Kao što je nekad išao u šoping centre, sada taj proces obavlja unutar crkve? Jer, crkva je kao veliki šoping centar?
FV: Upravo tako! Sve si shvatio! Dobro njima, dobro nama. Dobro Đurđi Adlešić!
JA: Čemu sad ona?
FV: A znaš… Mislim, nisi glup! Sad je i na vlasti i na našoj strani! A znaš da je katolička crkva moralna institucija, pa nam s njom nije lako.
JA: O, da…
FV: Ne pitaj za mene…
JA: Kasno je za sve… No, dobro, preskočimo gluposti… Što mislite sada? Koji su vam planovi? Imate li akcije?
FV: Prije svega, odlučili smo napraviti nogometni klub. Katolički nogometni klub!
JA: Kak ćete se zvati?
FV: KNK Rad [N]
JA: A kaj je ovo KNK?
FV: Idiote!!! Katolički nogometni klub!
JA: Fakat sam glup…
FV: Jebiga, novinar si!
JA: Dobro, pretpostavljam da je ovo u zagradi N, zapravo nedjelja?
FV: Opet si glup! To u zagradi znači nećemo! Dakle naš se klub se zove Katolički Nogometni Klub Rad Nećemo!
JA: Aha… I?
FV: Razbit ćemo Rad s Banjice!
JA: Ne kužim?
FV: Ništa ti ne razumiješ… Kao što ni Boga ne poznaješ!

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